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After I hooked up with someone, I snuck out of bed and into the darkness of my balcony, alone. Hoping for an answer, I texted: Am I still a virgin if I had sex with a girl? She, as the older, long-time queer in the hookup, had the upper hand.

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There is no one definition of virginity. Others may define virginity as never engaging in vaginal penetration with a penis, despite having had other types of sex, including oral stimulation and anal penetration. Some people may no longer call themselves a virgin after engaging in anal penetration or penetration with a finger or sex toy.

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Like: If there are two holes in your vagina your urethra and your vaginal canalwhich hole does sex happen in? And what about all this "popping the cherry" stuff I've heard about? And WTF is a hymen?!

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And this ties into what is known as the sexual double standard: Women are shamed for having sex and men are rewarded for it. The idea of your first penis-in-vagina sexual encounter being something significant and life altering well, for women anyway has origins in women being considered property. That is to say, virginity is a social construction that came about because of the commodification of women. Since women were and sometimes still are considered property, when they got married, they were passed on to their husbands from their fathers.

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He was on the bigger side, so he just kind of went at full force and I bled like a fucking waterfall. I felt bad about his sheets and carpets after. The end.

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Illustration by Shawna X. It should come as no surprise to Broadly readers that most of the world is organized around men. A man, Jacques Derrida, even created the word to express the idea: phallogocentrism.

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Despite what you see on TV and in movies, having sex for the first time is rarely romantic, pleasant, or sexy. Sure, it can be—in theory. It was with my boyfriend on our one-year anniversary.

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The hormones that surge through your body when you have sex can sometimes cause strong emotions afterwards. Some people believe in the concept of virginity. However, the traditional definition of virginity, which is the first time a person has penetrative penis-vagina intercourse, leaves out a lot of other types of sex, including oral sex and anal sex.

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Photo by Alexey Kuzma via Stocksy. What if you undergo a change that radically alters your body and how others perceive you? Transgender people often overhaul the body and identity they were born into—is sex after something like that comparable to sex before it? Being trans myself, I know that sexual experiences pre-transition were significantly different from the kind I experience today.

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